Unpleasant Experiences

After years of Google searches, exchanging data and posting genealogy questions online, you've suddenly had an unusual encounter with someone who seems to dislike genealogists. You were just asking whether the person you found in a Google search is actually the cousin your Gramma mentioned before she died. But, instead of being happy you "found" them, they wrote back with some nasty words about how "people like you" from "that part of the family" need to leave them alone. How did this happen?

Many genealogists share a quality of searching for the truth (the whole truth, right?). This may lead to confrontations with people who didn't want to be located or become part of the wonderful family tree you are (re)creating. It may have been possible to convince your own family that your research is harmless but there are many people in the world who have burned bridges and genuinely want to avoid interaction with parts of their extended family. Remember: the "black sheep" in the family don't just appear in old records - they still exist today.

Be considerate of the people who demand you remove references to them in the family history. You can't expect to heal all the deep wounds that were created through decades of family strife. If you are lucky, the person may be willing to tell you something about their branch - but also make it clear that they don't want to see that information online or continue communication afterwards. This is the time for paper records - keep the anecdotes and vital records they provide to yourself. Maybe someday, the breach will be healed - but don't push too hard to make it happen today.

You don't have to let unpleasant experiences dampen your enthusiasm for genealogy searches online. For every person who isn't happy you "found" them, there will be many more who are excited to know about cousins they never knew they had. Happy hunting!